I’m not an a**hole. No, really, I’m not.

We as waiters are often cynical people. I can’t speak for everyone, but I am cynical by nature. I don’t really have high expectations of customers who walk through the door. I think if I went day-to-day expecting every table to tip me 20% or offer me a job because they see how awesome I am at waiting tables, then I’d probably end up being depressed, sobbing into my tear-stained pillows each night, listening to My Chemical Romance.

My cynical, negative remarks made about customers and previous experiences are only expressed either in the back of the kitchen or outside of work. Never will you see me be sarcastic, confrontational, or negative anywhere near the customers. It is my job to make the customer happy and I do that very well. Even when I am not having a good day or I am tired you won’t see that on my face or in my demeanor. I’ve done it in the past, but over the years I’ve learned what to do and what not to do to make your dining experience the best it can be. So, to make you happy, I might forget to charge you for a drink you ordered, or if your food is taking too long I might bring you a complimentary appetizer to hold you over. Also, I’m always going to be 100% completely honest with you. I can’t say that about all your waiters but this is a defensive post, remember?

The restaurant industry is considered under the “hospitality” umbrella. It is our job as the liaison between the restaurant and the customer to make sure that things are as hospitable as possible, and I do my very best to make that happen. Whether my customers are white, black, foreign, old, young, rich, poor, it doesn’t matter. I treat everyone equally: with a helpful, pleasant demeanor and a smile on my face. Why? Because it’s my job. Oh, and it’s sometimes fun, too.

If I were constantly negative or emotionless to my customers, my manager would find out about it and probably fire me. I don’t want that. I have bills to pay and kids to feed. Okay no kids, but I might as well with the amount of money I have to live on. So, I am happy when I walk out those kitchen doors or greet my table for the first time. Anything you want I’ll get you…within reason (Yankees tickets I cant help you with). I want you to have the best dining experience of your life, why? Because we as waiters live and die by the customer. If you’re not happy we don’t get paid. We make $2.13 an hour, which is enough to cover taxes. So, our paycheck at the end of the week comes from the tips you leave us. Happy people leave better tips. It’s all about the tips, you should know that by now.

I have my regular customers who I always wait on because they enjoy the experience that I give them and that’s always a great thing to do. When you go out, remember your waiter’s name and use it, because if you do have a truly enjoyable experience, request that person the next time you go there. They’d love to see you and they’d probably give you extra special treatment, giving you freebies or letting you know pertinent information about special things going on. Order the same thing every time you come in? Sometimes we won’t even have to greet you to know what you want because we remember you and like the way you treat us.

So, maybe I’m not an a**hole, but I certainly have my opinion. And as the old saying goes, “an opinion is like an a**hole. Everyone’s got one.” This is my opinion. There are many like it, but this one is mine.