Why is it rude to want to enjoy your night out?
This subject has been brought to my attention recently and it really clicked with some thoughts I had been having for quite a long time. If you’re out enjoying a nice meal with your loved one and the table next to you has a screaming 7-year-old, why is it rude to tell that parent to be polite to everyone around them and keep the child quiet? Is it wrong to want to enjoy your night? I know it isn’t our duty to teach other parents how to control their children, but when it becomes a nuisance or a disturbance to everyone around them, why do people scorn those who make mention of it and not the parents of the children? What, are we supposed to just sit there and take it, having that screaming child ruin our entire night? I don’t think so. It relates in many other situations as well. We have to put up with people who talk in movies or screaming babies on airplanes. Why is it that the rest of the public should be made to feel bad about telling them to be quiet, and the offenders continue to perpetrate? I suppose the situation is different in your surrounding and your comfort level hinges on whether you have a disturbing noise around you or not. It’s different in a restaurant than an airplane, or a movie theater. But, this isn’t an airplane experience blog, or a movie theater blog. It’s a restaurant blog.
The biggest possibility that I can think of is our American drive to be a part of what we’d call “polite society”. Just like your mommy told you when you were a child that it isn’t polite to stare, and say “Ma’am” and “Sir”, it’s just not polite to address someone else’s inability to control their child. Of course, your child would never be like that in a restaurant. That’s why we divert our eyes from homeless people who approach us, and wave them away saying “No, thank you. I can’t help you”, instead of what we really think. Our “polite society” is rampant with doublespeak.
Perhaps it is the pussification of America that is to blame. I suppose I was on the tail-end of the “spanking” era of punishments, when a car ride home after a raucous night meant dreading the over-the-knee, open-hand slap on the rear end. Nowadays parents could be accused of child abuse if they were to spank their children. If I were to ever be that loud in a restaurant, my mother would put the fear of God in me against the wall of the women’s restroom and you better believe that I was silent that entire night, even when I was asked if I wanted dessert. I guess it’s sort of a catch-22: parents don’t want to look like mean parents in public by scorning their children or punishing them, but they also end up looking like they can’t control their children if they do not do anything about it.
You might argue that some people just don’t know. They are ignorant of what they’re supposed to do, or not do. The only problem is that they’re parents probably didn’t teach them how to behave, either. So, if we don’t tell them to quiet a screaming child or stop talking in a movie theater, who’s to say that they won’t ruin more nights that would have otherwise been quiet pleasant?
I certainly don’t wanna put up with that anymore, and neither should you. Viva La Revolucion.
My, what an immature, self-centered outlook. You’ll grow up some day, have a screaming baby of your own, and discover that babies aren’t video games. They don’t come with Mute buttons. You try your best to comfort them, and sometimes, there’s nothing to be done. You’ll eat your words some day. Grow up and realize you’re not the center of the world. Other people do their best; cut ‘em some slack.
Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve been a server for 20+ years, earning two degrees in the process. I have also raised 4 children. When you take your heathens to eat in a restaurant where Chuck E. Cheese is not on the outside of the building, your children, and you being their parent, do not have the right to ruin everyone else’s experience. If your child cannot be quiet and remain seated during the course of a meal, remove your child from the situation for a couple of minutes. If that doesn’t work, they make these wonderful new inventions called to go boxes. You can always hit a drive htru on your way home, and the other patrons will have the oppurtunity to enjoy THEIR night out as well. And you call this guy self centered? Grow up, raise your children to have respect for others, or get a sitter.
As a former server and bartender of 10+ years and now a frequent patron of restaurants, I say, “AMEN, TRACY!”
Amen Tracy! Preach it, preach it!
I know we might all end up parents with crying kids. I don’t think that is the problem here. We all knowthat kids will be kids and they will cry and run and play. Its our duty as parents to raise them to know that there is a time and place for everthing. A kid over 2 can and should know that dinner time means sit down and eat. Play time is for playing. The problem is not that they want to play and scream. The problem is that parents don’t want to do anything about it. I get annoyed when parents don’t do anything to control the kids, not when the kids want to play and scream. The problem is not the kids its the parents. When I go out with my family to eat, I want to enjoy it and I take care of the kids to make sure they don’t ruin a nice dinner for someone else. Seriously if you can’t control your kids now you will not be able to control them when they are teenagers. SO SORRY FOR YOU!
Excellent comment, Claudia.
Well lady, then you take the child to the hallway to the restroom and take care of the child or feed him/her to silence him/her, or stay home till the child grows old enough to behave. Here is a novel idea (take out).
I think some people need to realize that there IS the Catch-22. If you discipline your child in public, you get just as many, if not more, dirty looks from others who do not approve of your method. Also, how much fun do you really think it is for a parent to listen to their child screaming through the entire meal?? IT IS NOT FUN but sometimes, kids are just going to be kids. Every time I go out to eat with my two year old niece, she throws a fit because of one thing or another. Her parents have tried EVERYTHING to control her temper, but nothing seems to work. But it is fair to banish them to eating at home every night? Do they not deserve to spend time away from the house as a family? These people paid just as much for their food, and therefore they deserve to be there just as much as you do. I’m in NO way condoning a screaming child for the duration of a meal, but sometimes people need to realize it’s not a simple case of “ok Jenny, hush now.” While the parents (if they have even an ounce of intelligence) are sitting there mortified, just pray that they are strong enough themselves to not reach across the table and smack their own child.
Also, do remember that you NEVER know someone’s story. Their child could have autism or be mentally retarded. Before you go up to a family an chastise them for their child’s behavior, put yourself in their shoes. I can guarantee that unless you are a parent or have LISTENED to one, you don’t understand what that parent has been through all day with their child, nor do you know why the child is acting the way they are. Before you judge, try to understand. There is nothing worse than approaching a parent about their child’s behavior and having them say “He isn’t bad, he is autistic.” It makes both parties feel HORRIBLE. These parents already feel bad enough that there isn’t much they can do for their child, don’t make them feel worse.
Susan if you cant behave in public don’t expect others to put up with you or your niece further more some one who intervenes i the discipline of a child should be told if they don’t keep their nose out they will be next.
Excuse me? How would you know how I act in public from what I just said? Let me reiterate what I said: it’s not always the parents’ fault as sometimes the child has an underlying condition. Furthermore, I was a server for 6 years. I have never and will never act in any inappropriate manner in a restaurant or in public PERIOD. That, I can assure you, you are incorrect in assuming.
And while it is nice to say that people should keep their noses out of it, you indirectly condoned someone coming up to my sister and telling her to control her child by saying I shouldn’t expect people to put up with my niece. We don’t expect anyone to put up with it, we remove her from the situation until she calms down. I just used her as an example that sometimes breakdowns happen and the parents are not always a fault. Some kids have bad tempers. And you can guarantee that before they leave a restaurant, my sister helps her daughter clean up any sort of mess she left, such as crayons on the floor or food that fell onto the table. We were both servers at one point in our lives, and we know kids are a pain to wait on most of the time.
As I said in my previous post, I’m in NO WAY condoning a screaming child for the duration of a meal. The point I was trying to make is that you never know a family’s story. My best friend’s child has autism. People come up to her ALL the time and say “Can’t you control that child?” or “Look at that awful child!” Well, no, she can’t control him very well as he has seizures when she “yells” at him and who gives them the right to judge her 3 yr old? They don’t make a drug to cure autism, nor do they make one to control the behavior. She dreads going out in public because she knows someone will comment if he has a fit and if he doesn’t have one, people will be staring at his eccentric behaviors (such as the stimming). As a single parent, is she supposed to just never leave the house? I have been working with autistic children for years now. All the parents I have spoken with on this topic say that at least once a week, someone publicly comments on their child’s behavior.
Btw, I was not the least bit accusatory in my post, and you had no business acting that way in yours. If you can’t be respectful, then don’t say anything at all.
If your child is mentally ill, or you cannot control him/her, you do not need to bring them to dinner. Case closed.
Parents are always whining about how hard it is and how others “don’t understand”. Do your job. As some other posters pointed out, I have witnessed children as young as two sit down at a restaurant and be still and respectful for the duration of the meal. And it’s because the parent(s) train and discipline their children, plain and simple. Barring mental disorders, if they can do it, so can anyone. Quite a few parents simply choose not to, and feel they are above criticism.
*applause*
Miss Jenna, I do not understand in what paralel universe to live. I have seen 2 and 3 year old kids at the finest restaurants in town behaving better than adults. I have seen small kids behaving like little overpossed demons in restaurants and the parents do not realize they should have stay home for the night. COMMON SENSE. If your children cannot behave, take then to Mcdonald’s and slide then in the playgroud.
Screaming children in public areas are the worst, and I must say that I find them to be most aggravating in restaurants.
I’ve been reading all of the comments here, and I want to ask: is it really so wrong to leave your demonic children at home?
As a connoisseur of all sorts of exotic cuisine, I would also like to ask: why do you, as a parent, want to spend $10 ~ $20 on a small, crying child that cannot appreciate the food for what it is? Infants aren’t hard to please and can’t tell the difference between a delicious mullagatawny soup and campbell’s chicken noodle.
Stop ruining my dinner.
I think the point being made is that no one is the center of the world and we need to be aware of our surroundings. In a restauarnt, there is appropriate behavior, period, just like in the theater or at a movie. Yes, babies cry and kids act out – and that’s when it’s time to go home. That is part of the price of being a parent. And it’s the only way kids learn that certain types of behavior are just not accepatable.
More and more I find that the crying/screaming children in restaurants seems to be the norm. I try to see both sides of the situation – I am out paying my hard earned money for a meal that I want to enjoy, and I would assume the same is true of the table with the noisy child/children. I absolutely believe they have a right to dine out. And you never know when your child might misbehave. Sometimes they are coming down with something and just aren’t feeling well and they will be unruly, which isn’t the way they’d normally act. I have to say, that the parents, aunt, uncle, grandparent, someone in charge at least, needs to take that child out of the restaurant until they calm down. And if they can’t or won’t, then it’s sad to say, but the family needs to go home. If the screaming is normal for their child, then the parents are used to it and probably think nothing of subjecting others to it.
There are plenty of restaurants that are geared to families with younger children and fellow diners would probably expect to hear the crying, seeing the kids running in the aisles (this one kills me – I would not want my kids running in an aisle where they could run into a server carrying plats of hot food or hot beverages). If the parents want to eat at a “nicer” restaurant, there are plenty of willing babysitters available – leave the little ones home!
Are you just stupid or what. The article wasn’t about a baby crying in the restraunt. It’s about 7 y/o child behaving like a monster. Most of us understand about babies crying, however if a baby is fussy maybe the parents need to take him/her home and let him/her get a good nap. Its the children over 2 yrs old that run, jump, scream, shout, yell, throw stuff. that we are talking about. Children who should know a few rules. Children who should be taught about proper behaviour in public. It’s about parents who are lazy. It’s about parents to are selfish. Sometimes I think it’s the parents who should be put over a knee and spanked for letting their children behave like monsters.
Cheers to those that do ask parents (politely) to tell their misbehaving children to tone it down or ask that manager to handle it. I am a parent and never would I stand for my child behaving in a disruptive manner while at dinner. It doesn’t fly at home and nor does it in public. If you are a parent of a child that doesn’t behave, keep them home. If you are taking them to a kid restaurant – fine – but if I am paying more than $20 an entree I do not and will not tolerate some bratty kid screaming and running amok. Clearly these children are not happy to be out at the restaurant and as a parent you should take them home!
Truth be told I would like to see more manager take a firmer hold of the atmosphere and recognize when a disruptive person or persons (be they 2 or 22) need a little manners discussion.
And no, my child is not some automaton – she’s can be cranky and unhappy – but if she were – we wouldn’t be trying to have a nice meal while she was carrying on. Respect your fellow diners, waitstaff and yourself.
Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices in life. Calling me self-centered? What about those parents that don’t care if the people around them are disrupted at a restaurant, movie theater, or in an airplane? Aren’t they self-centered for not giving two shits about the people around them and continuing to let their child scream at the top of their lungs while they happily sit there ignoring the child while the movie is playing? You just have to make sacrifices, and sometimes that means staying home to eat until you are able to teach your child to be quiet, or you find a babysitter to allow you and your loved one to go out for a night by yourselves. You don’t need mute buttons, you just have to remove yourself and your child from the situation until the child calms down. Why should you happily enjoy your dinner, movie, or airplane ride when everyone around you has their night ruined by the noise? It’s all about making small sacrifices. And Jenna, believe me, when I have children, I’ll understand what it means to make that kind of small sacrifice.
I Do realize there are those parents that do not take responsibility for their children’s behavior. And perhaps the writer that writes, “cut them some slack” has children that behave badly. As a person who now is a Grandma remembers dining in fine places, if my children did not behave in a mannor suited for the venue, we left. I have on only a few occasions had to leave because my son prefered to cry and carry on so as to disturb orther diners. Once my children realized that if they did not behave in a mannor we did not accept, and that we would leave without dinner, they would be better children the next time. Following through with a threat and not giving in will send a message the those children that they need to be accountable and so do their parents.
Parents often times forget who the parent is or who the child is. There is no excuse for children screaming and carrying on in a restrurant where others are trying to enjoy a night out. Maybe if the writer thinks this is acceptable, that person should frequent McDonalds.
As for you my good natured waitor, you will make a fine parent because you will learn from everyone elses mistakes!
Thanks, Stella
I always thought so, too. My mother raised me right, and I’m sure yours did too!
Kudos, except it’s not acceptable at McDonalds, either!
I’m with you on all but the aircraft situation , just where are you suppose to take a child on an airplane ? You can’t step outside and you can’t bring them into the bathroom for extened periods of time . They are most likely crying in pain because of pressure differentials not behavior issues ,so as an adult I empatize with both the child and parent . We were all children whose crying annoyed someone at one time or another. Its just one of those times in life that you have to suck it up and be an adult.
Thank you Bob, for your comments on this topic. When reading someone remarking and/or complaining about children in any public venue, it’s easy to tell who’s a parent and who is not. Before having kids, I would constantly judge parents with kids and what they were or weren’t doing in front of me (be it a restaurant or on a plane, etc). I had solutions to every situation for that parent that seemed obvious to me, and deduced the parent must be selfish or unfit if they weren’t “controlling” their misbehaving or crying child. What I’ve learned is, sometimes, there are other factors not obvious to the casual (and annoyed) observer behind a misbehaving child and the parents’ reaction or lack thereof. It’s so very easy to say parents of young children just shouldn’t take them out, or on airplanes, etc. The fact is, sometimes it’s unavoidable. Believe me, I know what it’s like to sit through a meal with someone else’s child screaming nearby, or stuck on a plane with a child that won’t stop kicking your chair, or who is only 3 and simply doesn’t understand the concept of being quiet for 5.5 hours, being expected to sit still, looking at the back of the seat in front of them. What can you do? Children live in our society. They don’t come with instruction manuals. It’s just the way it IS.
Trish, everyone doesn’t raise their kids the same way. For you to assume that you know who is and isn’t a parent based on their response is wrong. There are people out there who simply raise their children different from you, and so they have a different outlook. If they can take a kid out to dinner and keep them quiet and controlled, then they’re doing something right. If you’re incapable of doing that, fine, I won’t judge. But don’t lower the bar to make it seem like having a screaming, out-of-control child is the norm. Because it isn’t.
I have to agree with Nada. A screaming child is not the norm.
My parents rarely took us out for dinner because my 3 younger brothers could not control their behaviour. The 12 yr old would put pepper on his hand and get the 6 yr old to sniff it, making him sneeze and then cry because his nose was burning. The 3 yr old, oblivious to the effects of pepper up your nose, would then put pepper in his own hand and sniff it. The 12 yr old would then get chastised by my parents for causing the 6 yr old pain, and for indirectly showing the trick to the 3 yr old, thus causing him pain too. The 12 yr old would giggle and laugh about it, not caring that his two younger brothers were now crying loud enough to disturb other guests. The 6 yr old would then proceed to start calling the 12 yr old names, the foulest that a 6 yr old could think of, and of course the 12 yr old would reciprocate. My parents, in the middle of all this, are trying to get the 6 and 3 yr olds to blow their noses and get the pepper out, so that they’d stop crying. Then the 12 yr old has the brilliant idea of telling the 6 yr old to snort some of his milk, as that would get rid of the burning, so the 6 yr sticks the staw up his nose and sniffs. That didn’t work. Eventually, so much junk had been snorted and sniffed, and the cries were getting louder, we eventually left. We didn’t go out to dinner again for another year, thanks to the hijinx of the 12 yr old. The 6 yr old and 3 yr old quickly learned not to accept anything from the 12 yr old, and were much better behaved after that. No need to threaten spanks or time outs, pepper up the nose was more than enough. My parents went out for dinner, but we got to stay behind with a sitter until everyone had learned what correct behaviour was in a restaurant setting.
My parents quickly taught us through the method of exclusion that misbehaving in a restaurant is not acceptable. We got put in the car to wait for everyone else, spanks when we got home, sometimes even spanks in the restaurant, but nothing else worked quite so well as mom and dad going out for pizza, and us kids getting fish sticks, mashed potatoes, and overcooked peas.
Give a teen a job and hire a babysitter for your unruly kids.
Just noticed that you called a baby ” it ” That says alot
it is that or continuously write him/her
the polite thing to do when a kiddoe goes into squawling fit mode is you get up with said disturbance and go into the bathroom or outside.
If they simply refuse to quiet down you get your shit boxed up and take it home.
Where do you get off Jenna and insisting EVERYONE be miserable because your child isnt well behaved that meal time-you gonna buy my dinner because as I get older I find it so annoying I will ask a server to box my shit and I will leave.
Its called common courtesy. You especially do NOT go into a nice restaurant with an infant-call mom or hire a babysitter.
Another category of bad parenting violator-you cant go out and linger when dining with small children. It is common sense -they cant sit still for 3 hours they have incredibly short attention spans and if you let them drink their body weight in caffienated sugar drinks GUESS WHAT they will be running around the place like a tweaked out meth addict.
I have personally leaped over the heads of small kids while carrying a full large platter tray of hot food and heavy plates when NON SUPERVISED kids are running amuck.
SO eat your meal and go -dont try and order a four course meal and linger over lattes.
AND bob babies are like adults on planes you chew frantically to equalize the pressure. Adults chew gum and babies gnaw on toys like little rats. Kinda of scary with all the news about Bis A accumulation in our bloodstreams with the shear amount of time a little tyke spends aggressively chewing on plastic. And its a good idea to give the small fries some antihistamines for a day or two before the flight to dry out their sinuses.
And Jenna dont start whining about how I hate kids-never found any1 I want to be the mother of my kids yet and I am responsible enough to not father any out of wedlock. I DO in fact like kids and have nephews I was more than willing to babysit for when needed. I have changed more diapers than some fathers who live with their own kids. But when I have them out in public they behave. I know for a fact my lil brother holds them to an even higher standard.
and in conclusion on the bad child behavior in public –>its not the kid’s fault at all. Its their lousy parents who fail to PAY THEM ANY ATTENTION at all, chooses to ignore them and their 100+ decibel volume, fail to have the common decency that tells you anyone else their should have to endure their child’s behavior. Its all part of the downfall of our society in that no one is responsible for their own behavior-thats taught as soon as they can move around on their own. By the time they can physically run amuck they should have a sense of whats right and wrong behavior and just need a firm parental reminder they are getting into the wrong to put a stop to it for a few minutes at least.
Food Service Ninja and servernotslave have my sympathies. I encounter these parties everyday, and my restaurant is not even designed to be child-friendly, though of course, we try to accommodate everyone.
There have even been occasions where parents leave the table (or restaurant) to take phone calls, run home, etc., and leave their children alone. Sometimes they ask us to watch them (not my job! especially during peak hours), other times they just disappear – the longest has been for 45 minutes. Once a couple left their infant laying on a chair for 15 minutes, unattended, while they smoked outside (and out of view)!
Those who side with disobedient children and/or inattentive parenting have obviously not worked in the industry, and perhaps should, before procreating.
I’m not anti-child; some regulars have wonderfully well-behaved kids, and I’d even like to have my own someday, but before introducing your tyke to public, please pick up Emily Post… and read it.
Why else did God invent babysitters?
You have just made my year.
First of all, pussification! I love this. I intend to spread this far and wide, no pun intended. I’ll be sure to point folks here for it, but this *alone* says so much about today’s society.
Secondly, I believe proper etiquette is to inform a manager to ask them to correct the matter. I could be wrong, of course, but if I recall correctly, the path for a customer is customer -> waiter -> manager OR customer -> manager. For waitstaff, it would be waiter -> manager, of course. Please correct me if I’m wrong. It’s been quite some time since I’ve been in the food service industry and both of my girls are grown adults now.
Thirdly, my mom and grandmother would have skinned me alive if I’d misbehaved in public. Both of my girls learned fairly early that poor behavior meant a loss of something personal or an outright spanking, depending on the circumstances. Punishment befits the crime, always. It’s a shame that many parents these days are afraid to do their job and teach their children to behave or suffer the consequences.
/salute!
:huggles:
~watergirl~
My mother is famous for the following quote: “You know, when I was growing up, children simply weren’t taken out to restaurants. EVER. If you want to be taken along to restaurants, you had better SIT STILL and BE QUIET. Or else.” I never bothered to ask about the possibilities of “or else”, because the first threat of not being invited to a restaurant meal was the only inspiration I needed to ‘toe the line’.
one of the posters hit the nail on the head regarding parents not following through. Kids by nature push boundaries, but it’s the responsibility of the adults to be firm with cause and consequence, i.e. “If you don’t sit down and behave we’re leaving without dinner.” If the kids continue to act like heathens, you can safely assume the kids run all over the parents at home too. They probably tell the parents to sit down or shut the fuck up. I’ll bet they obey.
I’m the chair of a criminal justice department at a community college. I teach classes about juvenile delinquency and juvenile justice. One of the BEST WAYS to raise a juvenile delinquent is to threaten a child, then not follow through. “I mean it. This is the last time. Really.” The child knows you’re just blowing smoke by the time he/she is 2. That child never will be taught accountability, will never understand that there are consequences for behaviors. And that child (with several other factors figured in, of course) stands a good chance of ending up behind bars as both a juvenile and an adult offender.
Thanks to everyone who has said it’s not necessary to take an ill-behaved child to a decent restaurant! Bravo!
Part of the problem is that we live in a “you can’t tell me what to do” society, and parents viciously attack anyone who criticizes their parenting skills. And then sympatizers come and defend them. If your kids acts up anywhere, restaurant, park, zoo or the movie theater (the worse place) then the parents need to take care of that. They know it, too, but they refuse to acknowledge it. Stop making excuses and control your children. Just because you’re eating out doesn’t mean you get a break from being a parent. If you’re unable to control them in public, get a babysitter.
Something not addressed here is the restaurant’s option and responsibility to control the situation when confronted with unruly children. It’s really no different than when confronting an unruly adult or drunk. They are not, as many here have said, “out in public”. It’s not a park. They are in a privately owned business, and are expected to act accordingly. It is completely within the management’s right to tell the offenders how to behave. And when to leave. I have done it myself and never regretted telling parents to control their children or leave. I have other customers to think of as well.
Here are my issues with children in restaurants. My restaurant and most that I have worked at since highschool are simply not designed for children. We don’t have french fries or corn dogs. We don’t have pages for coloring or crayons for that matter. On average a dinner will take about two and a half hours. Or longer. I think it’s unfair and unrealistic to expect a child under the age of ten to sit still that long.
As a server my first priority is to guide my table through the experience that my restaurant provides. There are cocktails, wine presentation, ordering appetizers, salads, entrees, deserts and coffee and often after dinner cocktails. A chilld is not going to participate in most of this. They just want macaroni and cheese and to go home or play when their stomachs are full. So, as a server how do I consolidate a dinner into the time frame a child is willing and able to be patient for.
Yes, parents deserve a night out as much as the next person and I want to give them the best oppurtunity to enjoy that as possible. With catering an entire evening around a child the meal and service is not the same. And quite honestly on busy night I need ever table to follow a similar pattern. Along the same time frame. It’s difficult to find yourself juggling four to six tables in various states of their meals and suddenly have a new down that wants their order put in front of your other tables, their entrees fired within ten minutes of ordering. It messes with your evening. And yes most servers can and will accomodate whatever you want to throw at us. But, were not the ones loosing out in the end. Of course having a shorter period in which to serve a table will ultimately cost us money less money spent, less tip received. So above and beyond disturbing the dining room and the adults around a table it’s just not worth it to take a child out. That’s why Applebee’s and TGI whatever and all those other kid happy places exist. To accomodate families. Not every restaurant, menu and service is designed the same way.
I was taking my toddler son and roommate’s toddler daughter to lunch at a family restaurant that I worked the night shift at. Both children, happy and content in booster seats. The kids were great, except my son, very loudly told the waitress, and the entire dining room that he wanted a bug sandwich. He got grilled cheese, and everything was fine. I was mortified. The next time we dined there, the kitchen staff had creepy crawlers between bread for him. This insident has never been forgotten.
I count my blessings that I took my young son to many fine dining venues with no incidents. I just had to learn that a pencil and a peice of paper were all he needed to occupy his time while we enjoyed a dining experience. Of course, he wanted to taste everything, and would want so sit on my lap for dessert and coffee.
There you have it, I had the most well behaved child any waitress or waiter could ask for. He was a joy to take out, regardless of the venue. Now, those of you that want to give advice to parents, explain to me why said perfect child spent his adolesence in detention and reform schools?
Oh, yea, as a server I have plenty of stories about bad parents and kids.
How about on a Saturday night, a couple take up four bar stools waiting for a table with their kids, and they brought Happy Meals to keep the kids content while they waited. The next day we had banned children from occupying a spot at the bar. Kids are a fact of life. Some parents just get lucky, or creative, like bringing a quiet game, story books, to entertain their kids so there are no disruptions or messes.
My worst were the three or four couples that sat at one table and grouped their children at another and wanted separate checks, how am I to know whose kid are whose’s? I loved the ticket shock when they discoverd that little Johnny had six virgin daquiries, the lobster, two appetizers, and dessert. I might have gotten a lousey tip, but they got a better life lesson.
I have 5 children 4 adults and one 5 year old. My older children behaved well enough to take any where. My father was amazed at how well they sat, and how polite they were. My 5 year old, I would only take to family friendly restraunts. If I want to go some place else I get a sitter. As he gets older he gets better. He successfully handled lunch at a chinese restraunt just recently. But if my child starts to make a scene we take him out, if we cannot calm him down then we leave and take our food with us. We haven’t even attempted to take him until this year. We are good parents and he is a good child, but he has some issues that make it difficult to be still and he gets bored easily. He has had issues with tantrums do to a speach delay problem. It took a year to get him into speech therapy. He has much improved.
When we plan on doing something as a family we think about he is going to behave in that setting, if it is something he is not ready for, then we change the activity or get a sitter. I do not like my evening ruined by someone else’s child, going out is something we rarely get to do, I would hate to ruin someone else’s special evening with a child who is not ready for a fine dining experience. He won’t be happy, We won’t be happy, and no one in the restaurant will either. I want my child to grow up to be considerate of others, to do that he needs to see us do the same.
We do deserve a night out from time to time, but there are plenty of choices out there if it needs to be a family affair. I do not feel I need to put him into a situation he is not ready for and ruin a room full of people’s evening.
MOM OF 5,
God bless you. You are the epitomy of common sense. I cannot express my gratitude, both as a server, and a mother, that you have considered the options, and made the best choice for all involved in that situation. My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5 or 6, and we could never go out to eat with him anywhere other than McDonalds Playland. His older sisters were resentful, until we made a game of it. He ‘got’ to go to his Nana’s , but the rest of us ‘had’ to go sit in some boring restaurant. I say KUDOS to you, and a round of applause. Nicely done.
I agree about the resutaunts and movie theatres but not completly about the airplane. Airplanes are a completly different category.
We all have to get from here to there and while I think kids of most ages can behave on an airplane a baby can not make that same choice. Your post said screaming babies on an airplane, so I ask you how you expect a parent to get a baby (we’ll categorize “babies” as about a year or less) to stop screaming. I know it isn’t the most fun but I just think that airplanes don’t belong in the same category. Now a preschooler running around, wreaking havoc on an airplane is different- they are old enough to be taught how to behave, respect those around them, and hopefully mom and dad have brought enough to entertain the kids.
I waited on as a teenager and didn’t mind kids when in a kid friendly environment but as an adult I frequently eat in fine dining establishments both for personal and business reasons. Children do not, on the whole, belong in a environment such as The Fat Duck or The Connaught and shouldn’t really be taken in, especially not of an evening. If you cannot afford a babysitter or have a relative take your kids to mid-level establishments where children can be accommodated but the food is of a high standard. Most towns have a place like this and the waiting on staff are usually happy to help.
The simple fact is that American/British dining is not the same as on the continent where children are encouraged from a young age with both new foods and wines and that has to be taken into account. As stated by other posters each restaurant has time frames for meals etc and just because you are paying doesn’t mean you have the right to mess up someone else’s evening out.
It’s clear that people have a lot of strong feelings on this subject, and I’m glad to see a forum where people can civilly (for the most part) discuss it.
As a parent, I’ve had a small child who did not much enjoy being a fifth wheel while Mom and Dad socialized with another couple. I did my best to teach her to behave herself…and she did her best to teach me that it’s not fair to ask a three-year-old to entertain herself and sit quietly while the grownups drink and chatter about Dad’s consulting practice.
What I learned was that my daughter didn’t enjoy going to nice restaurants unless she got her fair share of the attention, some food that was to her liking, and some sense of entertainment from the experience – in other words, the same reasons we all go out to eat. What she learned from me was that if I gave her those things, she had to behave herself even if she found herself bored for a minute or two at times. And, we both learned that it was okay for her to stay home with the sitter when the plans weren’t going to be fun for her, too.
It saddens me when I see kids totally out of control in restaurants, but I’m not above asking a parent to take his children outside or home if they can’t get them under control. If that doesn’t work, I’m also not above asking to be re-seated in another area of the restaurant, or even leaving altogether. No decent parent lets his or her children act up in a restaurant for any length of time, and no decent person wants to watch poor parenting taking place.
I have yet to have kids, but I was a kid once and even I knew to STFU when I went out to restaurants with my family as a common courtesy for the people around me.
In short, I love this entry.
First I have to say.. Love this website.
As a mother of a 3 yr old, I can tell you there have been many times my son has a meltdown when we are out dinning. He is given 1 warning to curb his attitude and if that doesn’t work then he is either taken to the bathroom, or out to the car until he calms down. If he continues the behavior, we have our waitress/waiter box up the meal and he and I wait in the car. We have done this on more than one occassion. Other people have a right to enjoy their dinner without having to listen to my child being alittle pain in the butt.
If I had to get a sitter for the evening, and I chose an adult’s dining experience by not going to Cece’s Pizza or Chuck E. Cheese’s, then I expect other parents to get a sitter too – or do not go out for a sit-down dinner. OR at the very least – take your child somewhere outside and let him or her get it out of his or her system for a little while and come back. You’re fuckin’ torturing me. I got a sitter to get away from my own whiny kids, I don’t need to come and “enjoy” someone else’s.
Jenna, dear, as someone who raised two exquisitely well mannered children who were never allowed to behave like hellions, and who are aware (unlike you) that they are not the only fish in the sea of humanity, I must say you are more imbecilic than most badly behaved four-year-olds. YOU need to grow up, get two brain cells to rub together, and send the kids you have undoubtedly spoiled rotten– if not made into sociopaths–to therapy for twenty years to try to recover from your miserable ‘parenting’.
Nada Nuff and the others with similar oppinions: You are so spoiled!
Sometimes parents don’t have a choice. I have to travel quite a bit with my baby and my 4-year old. And even away from home… we have to eat. My kids are usually very well behaved, but if they don’t take their nap by 1pm (e.g. when the service is slow – not the fault of the waiter, I know!), they start losing it, and no amount of discipline is going to make it better (although it’s guaranteed to make it worse). In those situations, I don’t have a sitter that I can use, I don’t have a “home” to go back to and eat the carry out and I’m not going to eat in a bench in the park just so you can enjoy your meal (if you don’t understand why not… you REALLY never tried to do it).
I NEVER go to a restaurant with the kids if I can help it. So, you can come to me and tell me to control my children, but be prepared to be bitch-slapped and told to put your nose back up your ass and shut the fuck up.
I’m sorry; you’re right. You have a right to ruin my meal with your uncontrolled kids, because you would prefer not to get take-out. Your convenience is much more important than my own.
The biggest pusses are the ones that talk big hiding behind a computer screen….so I’m sure you’re much more frequently the bitch-slappee rather than -slapper.
In any event, when I’m annoyed by the ingrates around me, I simply let my server know I’m bothered by my neighbors, and ask if I can be moved to another table. You see, I don’t threaten. I am civilized, polite, and try to overlook the poor manners and upbringing of the less refined.
this is why i love 3rd shift at dennys. no half-pints. just drunks and stoned teens.