Happy Birthday. Here’s your cake. Choke on it.
I can still remember the sing-along-song that they used to sing at Ryan’s Steakhouse. All of the floor employees (I won’t call them waiters) would come to your table with a piece of cake, and sing the following little ditty. Imagine it sounding just like every other birthday song….ever:
Happy, happy birthday! We’re so glad you came! Happy, happy birthday from the Ryan’s gang! We’re so excited, and we hope you know it’s true! So happy, happy birthday from all of us to you! Hey!
Then they’d all give you a half-assed golfclap and walk off to go back to their business. Whoopee. Another birthday.
You and I both know that just about everyone goes out to eat on thier birthdays. I, personally like to go to this really nice Italian place for lunch and then seafood for dinner on my birthday. Although I love being the center of attention just like you, and everyone else, I also feel for the waiter who has to give away restaurant product for no charge. No charge means less tip.
It’s your special night, we know. It was the day you were born and you are entitled to spend it however you want and think about how special you are. You gather up all your friends and family and go out for a nice meal at your favorite place, or your friends pick the place and surprise you. Perhaps they buy you a cake, but more often than not you are secretly hoping that the restaurant gives free dessert for birthdays. Some places do and some places don’t. However, in my experience, working at a place that does give free dessert for birthdays makes you start to dislike celebrations.
You see, some people (not most) will take any and all opportunities to take advantage of the restaurant they go to, to the point of saying it is their birthday when it really isn’t. And since you have no shame or consideration for anyone other than yourself, you happily eat your free dessert while your waiter is calling you a liar and a cheap bastard/bitch back in the kitchen. Believe me, we can tell when it’s really not your birthday. Most of us have been doing it long enough to catch social queues and pick up on poker tells when people are lying to us. We just give it to you anyways, to make you happy.
And I swear to God, if you came to me at the place I work now and ask me for a song or dance for your birthday, I’d probably slap you. I worked four years at a place as one of the only people who had to sing for birthdays. I basically was a trained monkey that dropped whatever it was I was doing at the time to go perform for a “birthday”. Often I would fake sick just so I wouldn’t have to do it. Unfortunately, I rarely ever got tipped from doing it, so every occasion seemed to put me further into the weeds with no compensation. I know birthdays are supposed to be happy, but when it’s nine people’s birthdays suddenly on one night between the hours of 7:00 and 9:00, they get really annoying. “Do you guys do anything special for birthdays?” used to drive a nail through my brain each time I heard it.
The seafood restaurant I mentioned earlier does it right. They get your name, address and birthday into a computer system. Then, the month before your birthday they send you a paper in the mail saying that you can come in any night of your birthday month and we’ll buy your entree. This cracks down on people falsifying that it’s their birthday since you have to be in the system and come in with the piece of paper. It’s genius.
If you want to go searching for a restaurant that gives free dessert or food for your birthday, that’s great. It’s your day and you deserve something special. Just don’t abuse it, otherwise it’s lying and that has to be at least four or five “Hail Mary’s”.
Yes we’ve all done it! More-so at bars when there is a free t-shirt and pint involved : )
speak for yourself. i hated doing birthdays so much i stopped going out to eat on my birthday. i promise you when you ask your bartender or server what you do for birthdays, we get that uneasy feeling like you get 1 in the morning and the homeless guy starts to squeegee your windshield without asking. You only tip ‘em cause you feel obligated. when i go to a bar or a restaurant, i go to spend money, not to see what freebies i can get. i’ll bet the same lame ass people who weasel free food, drinks or t-shirts are some of the same hypocritical parasites who look down on people who get freebies from the government in the form of foodstamps and welfare. Difference is, taxwise it may take $2 out of their pocket over the course of a year, but now all of a sudden people gaming the system for free food is a problem. There’s a rap song that says it best “If you ain’t got no money take your broke ass home!”
No, we haven’t all done it. People who do it just tell themselves that to make it ok.
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I’ve always hated it when the all the waiters came out of the kitchen in single file, clapping while singing happy birthday to some kid. give me a break. How corney can it get? Take care.
So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager
I’m a waitress and believeme, we do NOT enjoybeing that darn corny XDD I think i go to the back and curse myself out after everytime hahahaha.
be GLAd you dont work with me where the bleeping cheap bitches just bring in nasty all shortening sheet cans from Sams amd Walmart for their bday parties.
They go bring out my cake now at then end of the meal-I have to ask what cake? Then I have to ask for a description of it as we will have up to 5 of em in storage in back at a time.
Then I have to scare up up to 20 clean app plates (never easy in the middle of the weekend dinner rush) and silverware.
Thus they will tie up my table for another 30-1.5 hours for no income and a massive clean up process
Most places I’ve worked add a per person plate charge (anywhere from $2-$6 per person) when serving food brought in from outside, kind of like a corkage fee when serving someone’s own bottle of wine. I always let the customer know up front when I “present the cake”. Some people balk, but most don’t care. It’s a business, and if the food we sell isn’t sufficient, we charge for the washing of dishes and use of the space. It’s a hospitality BUSINESS.
Oh, we have to do that, too. It rarely happens, but it still happens and it’s very annoying. The worst birthday story I had was this group of unfortunate-looking people came in for a 40th birthday. How did I know it was a 40th? They had sprinkled confetti with the number 40 in it all over the table and blew up balloons with the phrase “Lordy, Lordy, look who’s 40!” on it. I had to clean all that shit up. After that, they forbade confetti from being used at the restaurant.
oh, how I hate confetti!!!
there should be an automatic 30% grat with a $200 minimum at the very mention of confetti
You know, I have never understood the seemingly strange fascination of having complete strangers sing and dance for you. When I go out on my birthday, I shun the “birthday song,” even if it does mean I have to *gasp* pay for the cake that I order. To me, strangers singing a hokey song to me with a look of murder in their eyes does not equal delight, yet those people who get all excited and wiggle around like a puppy dog on crack, while asking, “Oh, oh, do you guys do something for birthdays? ‘Cause it’s his birthday and you should do something! Oh please?”
They look like fucking morons. really.
K
screw the singing
I refuse to work where I sing-I point out to them they want to digest the food they have eaten my singing isnt recommended
WE avoid a lot of the balloon issues because of the live music-if they dont have enough ribbon on the balloons to let them float above the sight lines they cant have em WHICH also makes my balloon beef mostly go away. They freaking get in the way of placing and pulling plates. Its bad enough you have to work around them but if you bump them or the ac is on high they are moving all over the place
last night had 2 tables side by side and 3 Bdays
and the freaking cheapstakes-2 people took maybe 2 bites then all of them wanted to go boxes. I almost told them in that case I had to charge them for the cakes but I wanted the tables to turnn too badly
Yeah, when I was still serving at the restaurant I am at now, people would always beg for us to sing to the birthday guest. I would always reply that it lowers everyone’s quality of service and how, when serving at other restaurants, it would take you 10 minutes to round up the minimum 6 servers to sing. So, that means I can’t get your refills, or bread, or check for you for TEN MINUTES. And, the other servers can’t do anything for their tables either. And birthday singing can happen 10 to 20 times in a night.
So, now as a manager, when people beg for the birthday singing, I tell them that none of us are very good and you don’t want us to ruin you birthday, Ha-Ha-Ha. And when they keep pressing, I tell them that I bet if they offered their server enough money they would probably do it. But, so far, no one has offered enough money for the servers to auction off their dignity.
I wish I had one of you at my current restaurant. Sounds like you know the real deal.
Has it ever crossed anyone’s mind to tip extra for their “birthday treat?” I mean, chances are they told us at the beginning of their meal and out of all our tables and everything else running through our minds we still remembered it was their birthday. Oh wait, the joy we get from seeing their lit up faces from a miniscule piece of dessert (we serve a little mini dessert) is supposed to make it all worth while… It amazes me how ignorant people can be. But ignorance is bliss right?
LOL—Love it!! Just found the blog.
Spent a lot of years in the restaurant industry…Both front and back of the house.
My surefire method to ENJOY the horrible singing…and not get asked too often was to “sing” in the most god-awful, off key voice I could muster. Dogs were howling out back…;-)
did not get asked too often after a few “recitals”!
Make due with what you have too.
crazedchef
Worked in a place once with a ton of singers on the staff, and one dancer who was tone deaf. She loved it when we sent her to a table to sing the Birthday Song solo and she belllowed at the top of her voice. That was great fun!
I have to say, I love your blog. Nothing like coming home from work and feeling that sense of bitter comraderie.
. the Denny’s in which I work nights is attatched to a hotel. At the time I had a friend working front desk of the hotel and a friend working mornings. Front desk fetched me about 2 am saying he had a woman on the phone who wanted to talk to someone in the restraunt ( I don’t answer the phone at night, because it’s never good, and never my boss) This woman woke up at 2am fretting that she had forgotten to arrange something for her brothers 60th birthday, and wanted to know if we could do anything special. I told her we give out free meals on birthdays, but I couldn’t guarantee anything else since I wouldn’t be working. Call me soft, but I ran out after my shift and bought candles and brought them back to the friend who was serving, and she put a candle in the guys french toast. The woman apparently said the candle just made everybody’s day, and I got warm fuzzies. I still won’t sing though.
I can’t stand the people who want me to sing. This month was especially bad being that it is 9 months after Valentines day, birthdays everywhere. That being said, I would like to share a positive experience with a birthday, just to be different
Hey Allnigher!
and my 12yr old wanted to go out to eat (something we rarely did) He wanted a free birthday cake (without the song) and I did not eat so we could pay a decent tip. I am thankful that our waitress had a good attitude because she helped make a wonderful memory for my son. So, please dont be angry just because we as a society have been conditioned to celebrate these times. Most the time the customer is just uneducated. Things like this need to be made more accessible so the public can understand the down side for the server. Hang in there and again…your the best Allnighter!!!!!!
I think you are the best. In any profession there are those who make things difficult. I think this blog in great in that people can share the things that make their lives difficult so maybe others can change their behaviors to alleviate the stress of the server. But…. the celebration of a birth has always been important to celebrate. We just need to make sure we do it in a way that is not rude. I also think some of these people (even though they have legitimate feelings in some cases) tend to be burnt out and too negative in some cases. We live in a selfish society in so many respects and everyone wants to get paid for every little thing. In the case you shared, I think that was wonderful and the effort you made created a life long memory for many people including the poor paniced sister. I worked in the resturant business through high school, college and a short time after so I am not speaking from a blind side. I am also almost 50 now and have experienced the traumas of life and know the feeling of things sneeking up on you or the desire to surprise your young child with a moment in the spot light. I would crawl under the table if someone sang for me but when you are a child it is a real highlight. Soooooo, may deepest gratitude to you and others like you who endure the mundane and inconvenient to make a special moment in someones life. And to those who abuse the courtesty……well they will always be with us so that is where places like this help to blow off steam. For other waiters and waitresses, please dont stereotype all desires of birthday celebrations. I remember one time we were totally broke
(still are
Hahaha…I actually did my first birthday song tonight! Three years in the same restaurtant and we always tell people “Oh, no. It would ruin your birthday if I sang to you.” But tonight, after reading my table and them begging for some sort of birthday treat I sang to them…
“Happy, happy birthday on this your special day. I know that it’s your birthday but you are really in my way. Happy birthday to you, but you really gotta go. ‘Cause if you take this table any longer, my tips they will be low.”
There was a little truth to the song, but they enjoyed it. The first AND last time I will ever sing for a table.
Your blog is fantastic. I hope you post a blog about campers. I’ve got a few funny stories to share, one of which involves crop dusting.
Someone didn’t read my previous posts…
When I first started at the restaurant where I work, I was the quiet one. I would always ask other people to do birthdays for me, until one busy night, when I could barely get people together to help me with a birthday. Then, the people that could spare a minute or two to help didn’t know the birthday chant. Problem. Solution: I had to do it. So, I clear my voice and yell out (in my best “southern belle/country” voice): “Excuse me, can I have your attention please! Tonight is a very special night at because our good friend is celebrating their birthday here with us. Now on the count of 3, I want everybody to stop what you’re doing, swallow what you’re chewing, and help us out with a great big ‘ole yee-haw! Ready! 1-2-3! …yeah. And ever since that day, people make sure to find me when they have a birthday at their table because I’m the loudest one in the building. Last Saturday night, I did 8. Not good on the vocals…it’s a good thing I didn’t have a solo at church on Sunday.
I ALWAYS tell people, including my mother, if you mention ANYTHING about it being my birthday, I’m going to stand up and walk out of here. I’ve never had to do it. I absolutely abhor this routine of singing some lame old made-up, we don’t want to pay the rights for the real happy birthday, song. uggghhhhh!
I asked at my daughter’s favorite restaurant for them to sing to her on her 7th birthday, because she had seen it done for others before. A balloon, a piece of chocolate cake, and the song. It really did make a difference to her and brighten her birthday. I really had no idea that it bothered the servers. You all are really good liars pretending that it’s your pleasure! I always tip well, especially if something was free. I hope not all servers everywhere feel like you do. Reading your negativity makes me never want to eat out again. If you don’t like doing your job, switch to another field.
I love how people automatically assume that I hate my job because I have this blog. It just tickles me pink.
i love everything said on this blog. birthday singing sucks, i dont know whose birthday it is, nevermind their name…. i’m a food runner with one million other things to do than sing to the birthday boy/girl anyway…
BUT I LOVE MY JOB!!!
I totally AGREE!!!! Reading all this makes me want to get take out and go home to relax in my own house. Wow I never thought of half of what is being said here. Very Interesting reading though!!! BTW I hate people even knowing my BirthDate, little lone Singing in front of a million people I dont even know!! Wow how embrassing!!
“You all are really good liars pretending that it’s your pleasure!” — That made me laugh. But don’t assume because we vent that we hate our jobs. I love my job. There’s just certain THINGS about my job that I hate, as I sure pretty much everybody in any profession does. There’s just something about a grown adult begging me to give them a free dessert and sing to them that makes me uneasy. Dessert – sure, everyone wants free dessert on their b-day. But to have a complete stranger sing to you out in public because you’re turning 53? Come on, that’s ridiculous.
LMAO a bit off topic but what led me to this blog is reading an article “30 Secrets Your Server Won’t Tell You” or something along those lines and one server said “The number one way to get your server to hate you? Order hot tea.” I started laughing my ass off about that because it’s so true. I HATE when people order hot tea. It’s just a pain in the ass to make and it’s time consuming. Even worse is the old people (yeah, old people) who tell you to “make sure it’s hot” and it’s never hot enough. That is sooooo f-ing annoying! The water came out of a machine that dispenses HOT WATER! Doesn’t really get any hotter unless I put it in the microwave to make it almost boil. Ughhhh hate hot tea and I would never order it at a restaurant.
Singing to small children is rarely a problem. Personally, I am more than happy to sing for a young child and see how happy and excited they are. A teenager/adult? That is ridiculous. Anything past the age of 10 and you are too old for silly big ass hats, a loud song, balloons, and free dessert. And trust me, we encounter a lot more of the adult kind of birthday than we do a child’s.
And as far as people “complaining” about being a server:
Have you never once complained about YOUR job? And this blog isn’t so much as complaining about the job as it is about the “customers”. We do not get paid extra by the company or the “tipper” to lose our dignity on command by singing or doing anything along those lines for that matter. You say this blog makes you not want to go to out to eat anymore. Honestly, I don’t think too many places would miss your business. You obviously have missed the point of this blog and have no interest in viewing servers like fellow human beings by thinking it’s ok that we preform such ridiculous antics at your whim and not allowing us to have a bad day on the job.
I hate it when I celebrate my birthday in a restaurant and then my husband arranges for the servers to come and sing. He managed to do it once and I told him never again. When I go out on my birthday I want to enjoy the company of family and friends and good food, I don’t want strangers ,who don’t know me and don’t care about me, singing to me. And I also don’t care for the free piece of cake, if I want cake, I’ll order and pay for it.
Once we celebrated my brother-in-law’s birthday ant a Red Lobster and his dad wanted to ask if they have some special cake or if they do something special for guests who celebrate their birthdays, he wasn’t looking for free stuff and he always gives good tips. The answer from the server was very rude, she didn’t let him finish his sentence and she said in a very cold voice “we don’t give free cake!”. I understand that maybe she had a bad day but that was not ok.
I am not too into the birthday singing, and find it very disrupting to the other diners. So I am all for outlawing it. I also didn’t realize how irritated we diners can be to waiters. I too don’t really want to eat out after reading through some of this blog.
As to tips, I truly believe they should be earned and not a “given”. If the service by one lously waiter results in a low tip and that is “stiffing” the rest of the staff, then there is some incentive for the rest of the staff to “retrain” the bad waiter, right?
I always pay well for good service and pay on the full amount of the bill if a coupon is used. By the same token, I never pay well for lously service.
balloons suck and thank god my restaurant doesn’t give cake away or make me sing… btw nat must be a celebrity
In reply to “Nat” and “Disillusioned”, I don’t know what you do for a living. I’ve chosen to make a living out of serving. After an especially bad night at work, this blog is a way talk and “vent” to other servers. Just like us, I am sure you both have a job, even if it is stay at home parent, that sometimes can get to you. It is not that all servers hate their jobs, or that all customers are bad customers. If you have read through anymore of this blog, you may see why we do get irritated by certain people that come through our doors. Not all customers “appreciate” a birthday song or that little extra mile. Not all customers bother to treat us servers like human beings. (Hence the blog title.) Not all customers are decent people like the two of you. So please, don’t look at every waiter you meet as a liar, or an actor. Some of us enjoy what we do, very much. Some of us work hard to “earn” our tips..and about 50% of the time, we do in fact, get treated like s***, pardon the language. So lighten up, go out, enjoy your dinner, and just give us a little respect. We will only hate our job if you give us a reason to.
i’ve been reading this blog for about a year now and i’ve been serving for nearly 2 and i’ve never commented. but, AmberDawn, you hit the nail on the head with your comment!
i love my job, i love that most of us are just 18-24 year olds trying to pay for college and to go out to the bar next door and blow half of our tips on drinks after a long saturday shift. but this blog makes my horrible nights better and i’m glad to know i’m not alone in my “hating” of certain aspects of the restuarant business!
Tell your co-workers. They might appreciate it, too!
perfectly said.
Hear, Hear, AmberDawn! I am not currently working in a food establishment, but I have before for many years. There are some nights when you hate your job, and every customer seems like an evil ugly troll inside, and then other nights when people are friendly, fun, and respectful. I personally enjoyed doing birthdays for kids, especially when they were well mannered, polite, and didn’t make a huge mess. As for both of you not wanting to eat out again, just remember the golden rule, treat others how you want to be treated, and you’ll find that you never have a problem with a server.
SaltyServer – Well put. Treat others as you would like to be treated. This definitely applies when you go out to eat too. I would say MOST servers will gladly go the extra mile to make your dining experience enjoyable. When I go out to eat I NEVER have a problem with my server. I understand what their job entails and I try to make it as easy on them as I can. As a server, we enjoy talking to people (otherwise why serve to begin with?) – so engage in a little conversation with your server, it will go a long way. That can be a double edged sword though, because some people want to talk tooo much, for too long, or about things that are too personal. Don’t ask your server personal questions, it’s rude.
One time a party at my work came in, took up two tables, covered the tables with plastic cups and paper tablecloths and confetti and proceeded to stay there with 3 hours. They also brought their own cake. They left less than 15 percent…and we had to clean up the mess. Moral of the story? Some people are going to hell.
HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! That’s exactly what I think when birthday parties do that to me! “oh well, they’re goin to hell.”
YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!!! THANKS FOR THE LAUGH1
I hate doing birthdays where I work. We always get those big parties that ask what we do for birthdays and what they get for it (cheap ass bastards). And they always ask for you to sing. Always. We could have a completely packed house with every server in the weeds and they’d still bug you for a birthday. I hate having to wait around to get other servers rounded up. And of course when we do our little birthday sing along, there’s always that one person at the table that claps like they’re a special needs child. I hate feeling like a trained monkey.
I just started at a restaurant where the most that we do is write “Happy Birthday” around your dessert plate in mango syrup…if you order a dessert. I can’t tell you how many dirty looks I have received from people when I tell them that we don’t sing or that the dessert isn’t free just because it’s your birthday. I’m sorry…I don’t make the decisions at my restaurant…but I always lie and tell them that I will speak with management about it. Anything to shut them up.
When it was my birthday last year, and I was turning 15, I had went to iHop with my mom, since I just wanted to hang out with her that day and eat the thing I loved most, pancakes, I didn’t want anyone singing for me or anything, but we got seated close to some pretty loud people, so my mom said. “Can we be moved? It’s her birthday, and I know she doesn’t want to sit near some loud people.” Whoops there goes the whole, not wanting to embarrass me and the servers. I’m sure my mom gave the waiter a big tip.
I love watching the singing servers! If you look close they’re spinning the barrel of a gun in their apron pocket that will go right into their mouth the second they get back to their stations!!
PS Ryans yeast rolls rule!!!
I know that I always hated going to Golden Corral, because of the stupid song and stuff they do. My parents always took us there for our birthdays until I finally turned 13 two years ago. It was just ridiculous. It may be a free bowl of ice cream, but we never even got it. And all you can eat isn’t the best for a birthday either.
Personally, I think when people pretend it’s their birthday just to get free stuff is horrible. Usually I don’t even mention it’s my birthday when it is. This past year for my 21st birthday, my parents took me to Applebee’s and the only reason the waitress found out it was my birthday is because I couldn’t make up my mind on what drink to try and she actually figured it out herself. She brought me a cake with ice cream even though the restaurant doesn’t do that. Because she was nice (and the cake and ice cream did it for sure), my dad left her a ten dollar tip. So not everyone skimps on the tip when they get free birthday stuff.
Where I wait tables, we do not have an “official” birthday song. Does that stop a drunk, privileged daddy’s girl with his credit card? Not at all. “It’s Sarah Grace’s birthday!! Do you do anything for birthdays?!?!” “Nope.” Usually about this time, a boyfriend chimes in with, “Well, can’t you sing her happy birthday or something?” Followed by others at the table joining in with, “Yeah!!! Sing!! Sing!! Sing!!” “Bring her a piece of free cake!!”
We are not trained monkey’s that wear cute little vests, clap symbols together, and dance. How many times do I have to tell you “no, I am not going to sing” before you stop asking? It’s insulting that you think your 10% tip (or less!) buys you the right to poke and prod me like a caged animal until I preform some type of trick for you. So yes, I agree. Here’s your cake, choke on it.