I may not be ethnic, but I love eating like I am.

What I love about Indian food is the amazing new flavors that I am not usually accustomed to eating, however what I don’t love about Indian food is the way my colon feels after passing all the curry and peppers.

I’ve always enjoyed going to ethnic restaurants, being adventurous with new flavor sensations. I never understood why some people had such a hard time trying new things with food. Even working in an Italian restaurant for four years, I never understood why people still ordered Fettucine Alfredo. It’s pasta, cream and parmesan cheese. Very simple, and somewhat dull in flavor. Why not order the Chicken Alla Napoli with the herb-encrusted chicken breast, sun-dried tomatoes, green onions, and carmelized onions with the bolognese sauce? Just the description makes my mouth water. But, for some people, the idea of trying new things or ordering menu items with fancy words like “bolognese” makes them turn away. I don’t know whether it’s because they don’t understand the words or they just aren’t adventurous. If it’s the former rather than the latter, then I assume they are ignorant and they just don’t know any better. Being illiterate is forgivable. Too bad they’ll never read this blog to know that they’re forgiven.

It’s always, in my opinion, important to try new things and experiences. Just recently, I spent a week and a half in the Middle East. No, that’s not Tennessee or Kentucky. We’re talking Iran, Israel, Iraq, Lebanon, and Syra. Generally what you’d call “Greek and Lebanese” food. Shawarma, Gyros, and Falafel. I ate anything and everything I could. If they served me a camel’s testicle, swimming in a sauce made of sheep brains and the blood of unborn Jordanian children, I probably would have eaten it if it was on the menu. Of course, I saw some of my lesser adventurous trip companions eating McDonald’s in the local mall, too. This was rather disturbing. You’re on the other side of the world and you eat McDonald’s because it’s food you know. I wanted to stab them in the tongue with a two-pronged fork designed to flip pita bread.

I think that reverting to traditional, comfort foods are an insight to the personality of the diner. Sometimes I’ll have people come into the restaurant and order the same items every time. It’s great for me, since I know I don’t have to explain much, but it would be nice if they learned that there are many other delicious foods on the menu. It gets depressing to know that they will never try new things.

Someone once told me that it was a money issue. They said that they were afraid that if they ordered something new that they had never tried before and didn’t like it, then they would feel like they had wasted their money. I can see why this would be true, but this can be combated by actually looking at the menu, or asking for a description. If they ingredients are things that you like, then chances are that you’ll enjoy the dish. Another solution is that if you do order it, you can always return it saying that it was not what you expected. This would be the time to order something reliable that you know. I realize that it can be embarrassing returning a dish that you ordered on expectation, but at least you know that it’s something you don’t like. Personally, if it’s not what I expected and I can tolerate it, I’ll eat it anyway but just not order it again.

Restaurants don’t put nasty food on their menus. It’s just bad business. So, complaining that something doesn’t taste right to you at an ethnic restaurant is like walking into a kennel and complaining that the room smells like dogshit. My advice to you is to read the menu, taste new things, and stay away from the males because they might mark you with pee.

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