BLASPHEMY!!!!
There are some phrases that I absolutely LOVE to hear my customers say. Of course, I’m being very sarcastic. In fact, these couple phrases sink my heart to the very bottom when I hear them. So, here are a few:
“We’re going to be here for a while/We’re just visiting” – this usually means that my customers are knowingly going to be taking a long time at the table. So, a lunch that normally would be 30-45 minutes, they’re now going to be taking 2-3 hours, occupying my table and limiting my ability to turn the table for more customers.
“This steak is overcooked” – Of course, either the kitchen messed up or I accidentally entered the wrong temperature for the steak. The result of this is a complete do-over on the steak. This is much harder to hear than someone saying that the steak is undercooked. At least we can cook the same steak a bit more.
“What does gratuity mean?” – People who regularly eat out understand the meaning of this word as being a more proper name for “tip”. Only two reasons a customer would say this and neither of them are good: either they don’t understand the concept of tipping, or they’re illiterate.
“Which of these wines is your best White Zinfandel?” – I’ve already spoken of my abhorring of White Zinfandel, being that it’s basically alcoholic Kool-Aid. I generally laugh on the inside when I hear this question.
“I’ll have the Pasta Alfredo” - This one may not seem so bad…if you worked in an Italian restaurant. I do not. When someone orders this dish, it tells me two things: they aren’t interested in trying new things and they don’t eat out much. Restaurants put this dish on their menu because it’s “safe”. People know what this tastes like, so if they see big words on their menu that they don’t understand like “Bernaise”, they see “alfredo” and go “ooh! I know what that is!”
“Let me see your manager” – Pretty self-explainatory. 99% of the time, this is not a good thing to hear your customer say.
“I didn’t like it.” - Most often than not, this is actually followed by a self-pleasing chuckle by someone who thinks they’re being original and funny by handing me an empty plate and being blatantly sarcastic. This joke is old. Please stop using it.
Please, feel free to add your own favorite phrases.
February 24, 2009 at 10:06 pm
How about the one, “Are you the manager”? No, I’m the only schmuck in the building wearing a suit. I must be a suit salesman.
February 24, 2009 at 11:59 pm
I tell ya what, everywhere I go in my uniform white shirt and black pants, people ask me if I work wherever I am or if I’m the manager. I’ll be walking around in Wal-Mart and people will stop and ask me “excuse me, do you work here?” or “Excuse me, where are the _______?” If I’m in a bad mood, I’ll point them in the exact opposite direction they need to go.
February 27, 2009 at 5:15 am
how about merlot pronounced as Mer LOT
Do you have any bread? Most commonly asked by 200 Lbs guests or larger who ordered a single course that takes longer than anything BUT a well done 2 ” thick steak naturally.
March 5, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Anytime I run food for someone else to the other end of the restaurant and then they ask me to get them something like ketchup and I cannot find their server anywhere so I have to make two trips. One with the food and the other the return trip with the ketchup or side sauce or whatever it is they want. This is an exercise in frustration. Meanwhile there are things to do in my section. By the way really like your blog. First time coming across it.
March 7, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Thanks! Tell all your friends.
March 6, 2009 at 12:51 am
“Is the grilled Salmon, grilled?”
“Is the Clam Chowder, creamy?”
Stupid questions like these (the ones which make me think, where in the hell is common sense) make me want to take my pen and do things.
“I’m in a hurry”
Ugggh…. we’re not a fast food. Foods gonna take awhile, if you only have 15 minutes go somewhere else. I mean seriously!!?? Who do you think you are?
“Is___(Insert boss’ name)__ here today?”
Another way of saying “I’m a friend of your boss, so I expect loads my drinks to be free and apetizers signed off.
many more…
March 13, 2009 at 1:58 pm
“What are those little numbers next to the food? Oh, those are the prices?”
Never a good sign.
October 29, 2009 at 2:28 am
” We need seperate checks.”
Autumatically makes me mad, and the bigger the table, the more irritated I am. What’s worse? For some ungodly reason my restaurant allows any number of people to have seperate checks. It really backs you up when your 25 top at lunch wants seperate individual checks. Then, you have 25 people shoving their cash or credit cards in your face because they have to be back to work.
November 8, 2009 at 1:04 am
This reminded me of something that happened a few years ago…lol!
My favorite was one time I had a party of 15 but they had seperate checks. We auto-grat parties of 8 or more. He threw such a hissy in the restaurant because his seperate check didn’t justify the auto-grat because he was only paying for 3 people, therefore he only had a party of 3. I explained nicely that even though he was only paying for 3 people, he was at the same table with 12 other people for a total of 15 which was well over the “parties of 8 or more”. He stood up in the chair and screamed across the whole dining room that I insulted him and he refused to pay for anything, My payback was when he walked out the door without paying a thing. Thank god for the law of “defrauding an innkeeper” in NC. His cheapbutt went to jail!